Let's Be Honest: Size Does Matter*

One of the things that we espouse on Operation Sparkle is the utmost importance of editing. Key to editing—being honest with oneself about the items at hand. This honesty revolves around many considerations that must be taken into account when deciding to go with the possible treasure you currently hold in your hands, or to let it loose, back into the thrifting wild. A major consideration is size. If something doesn't fit right, unless you can make miracles happen on a sewing machine or somehow magically change your shoe size from an 8 and a half to a six (I maintain that if I had one magical power, this would be it), it is usually best to let it go.

Difficulties arise, however, when a piece is so great and so close to fitting. These are often the pieces that I have the hardest time letting go of, and as a result, my closet it teeming with items that, due to their ill fits, never meet the light of day (or moonlight of night). Occasionally, I will break out of my comfort zone and force myself to suffer through an evening wearing a skirt that was way too tight to ever come home with, only to vow to rid my closet of it the next day. Despite such insistence, these items somehow cling on, until it is time for some serious soul searching and resulting closet cleaning. Thus, we have my next springtime purge piece—the pieces that, no matter what, will never, ever fit and thus must be passed on.

Now, there are some aspects of sizing that may fluctuate, though they often do in small increments. There are others that, no matter what, will never, ever change. The length of your torso is one of these measurements. I am coming to terms with this now, as I need to face the fact that this studded zip-up jumpsuit will never be able to achieve that classy, trashy comfort I long for as it rides so far up my nether regions that I may as well be sitting in a thong swing when I wear it.



I have a confession. Even as I am writing this, I am thinking about my current longing for more studs in my wardrobe and that giving up this number, despite its crotch crawling tendencies would be a major mistake. Maybe I could just cut off the bottom and have a really bitching zip-up studded sweatshirt/jacket thing! Maybe, I'll have to experiment tomorrow and will keep you posted. But see—this is how these pieces stay on! They will never die as long as there is some truly winning detail about it that convinced me to buy it in the first place.

Update: I just tried this piece on. My torso has not shrunk but I still can't totally come to terms with the fact that I'd rather have this riding up my butt all day than give it up. It is coming with me to Jake's apartment to prepare for the fair. There the final decision will be made, deciding the fate once and for all, of this studded zip-up jumpsuit.

As I previously mentioned, the fact that we cannot change the size of our feet** is proof that man has serious limitations. As I spend a lot of time on my feet, and rely on them for actual transport (the fact that this seems to be the exception to the rule in our society is more than a bit disheartening), I need comfortable, sensible (and cute) footwear. Key to achieving shoe perfection is a good fit, so you would think that by this time in my thrifting career, I would be able to accurately judge when a shoe fits.

It turns out, this is not the case. As chick lit and romantic comedies from 2000 to 2004 used this subject for whole plot lines and the basis of most jokes, perhaps it is true that a woman can't say no to cute shoes! While my opinion of what qualifies as "cute shoes" most likely varies greatly from Kate Hudson's character in any number of her award winning films, I can say that I have, on more than one occasion, convinced myself that a pair of shoes fits when it clearly does not. Such is the case with these amazing studded back moccassin-style boots. I have never seen anything like them! I had to get them! It didn't matter if they pinched everywhere on my feet! I was wearing thick socks! They won't be that tight with thin socks (or no socks)! They're leather! They'll stretch out!




These are the sorts of lies I tell myself when confronted with footwear that doesn't fit. And again, as I write this, I am making a mental note to try these on tomorrow and make sure that, yes, indeed, there is no possible way I will ever be able to sport these puppies for more than a minute.

Update: As it turns out, my memory was tricking me, just a bit. The boots themselves fit in terms of length, but there is some weird pressure going on on top of the toes. Therefore, I am going to try wearing these a few times (short trips only, never try out a new pair of shoes for the first time during a long work shift or on a day that requires a lot of walking where you won't get a chance to change footwear) and see how things turn out. I'll keep you posted.

And now for a piece that truly breaks my heart. It seems as though rust-colored denim is not in the cards for Operation Sparkle. As Laurie lamented when a volunteer refused to sell her a pair of rust-colored jeans a few weeks ago, I purchased this totally awesome pair of shorts with the understanding that I would "have to lose ten pounds" to fit into them.



A few days ago it was in the 70's, which naturally meant that it was time to start trying on all the shorts I have been itching to break out for the past six months. You can imagine my joy when I put on these rust-colored beauts and they actually fit! My heart was jumping little jumps of joy that for a 50-year-old may have indicated a heart attack.

Then I turned around.

Let's just say these gave the phrase "cheek chillers" a run for its money. While I have a rather high threshold for clothing decency (years ago, it was shockingly high), I have to admit that there is no place other than my bedroom that I would feel comfortable wearing this shorts. It just wouldn't feel right subjecting the occasional child or creepy old man to my cheek hangage. So...they must go (insert sad face here).

Similar to the jumpsuit debacle, I need to part with these most amazing denim high-waisted shorts. It makes me so angry that I want to punch someone, but for the second time, I tried them on and realized that not only is the crotch ride-age so uncomfortable that I would look like I was riding a horse if I wore them out on public, but that the resulting look from such a fit resembles a diaper. In short, even though the braiding on these puppies is to die for, I must come to terms with the fact that these are both ill-fitting in look and spirit so they must be passed on.





Not all is lost, however! I had in my mind that I was going to be forced to part with these hats, as I am unable to shrink my head (as far as I know). I just tried them on and they actually, legitimately fit (well, the gray one is a bit snug, but it will do)!!!!! Life is good again! Happy day!




*WARNING: This was one of, if not the most difficult blog posts I have had to write for Operation Sparkle. As Laurie just explored here, it is really difficult to come to terms with the fact that you need to give up an amazing piece just because you can't remove ribs or cut off your bosom (at least not easily). Please keep that in mind as you read through what pains me to write (and admit).
**Foot binding aside. I am all for fashion, but, as this post indicates, I am all anti-pain. I'm also anti-forms of female oppression.

The Most Iconiest of All 90's Icons

One of the strangest thing about my job is seeing how the youth dress. This is strange for many reasons—it makes me feel even more self-conscious/lame for how I dressed as a teen; it makes me want to squeeze the dorky ones and tell them it will be "alright"; it makes me want to inform the annoying ones that peaking in high school sucks; and finally, it proves how successful NYLON has been at marketing the 90's to people who were actually born in that decade. I've actually seen multitudes (multitudes!) of young girls with the whole side of the head bang sweep thing that I tried so hard to do way back in 1996 (my results paled in comparison to today's sweeping bang wearers).

So, apparently 90's are back, and have been for about two years now. In these dark times, who can we look to for our 90's inspiration? For once, it is not Stevie Nicks. And I am not going to be all snooze-tastic and steal the New York Times assertion that the 90's icon one must copy is Elaine from Seinfeld (really? really? Her hair alone makes me want to fist a wall).

Oh no! The most iconiest of all 90's icons?!


Well, that would have to be Pauly Shore!

DAMN STRAIGHT!

As I have posted on past personal blogs of mine, I became reacquainted with the Shore after a impromptu viewing of Son-in-Law, the film with the best make-over sequence of all time (second only to Encino Man, also staring Pauly Shore), which I purchased thrifting for 99¢ last spring. Son-in-Law threw me into a tailspin, as all I wanted to wear in warmer weather was baggy long sleeved tops that dipped low in the back, cut off jeans, boots with socks and medallion necklaces.

The other day, I thrifted a copy of Encino Man, which I maintain is Brendan Fraser's best film to date. Sean Austin's character is an official tool in this movie, but Pauly Shore's character (Stoney. Of course.) has the most blissful of 90's, rich California kid, hippie wardrobe you have ever seen.

So, inspired by this fashion icon, I started sorting through my wardrobe for the best of my thrifted looks that Pauly would approve of.



The tie dye jumpsuit. I know I just posted this, but it is quintessential Shore, so I had to put it up again. In doing this post, it has also come to my attention that I do not own nearly enough scarves and/or tie dyed pieces to truly channel the Shore. WISHLIST!



An acid-washed jean jacket would do in colder climates.




If he ever came to the midwest, Pauly Shore would totally wear this cut-off cropped football top to prove his manliness, just like the way he did when he visited North Dakota in Son-in-Law (the Shore digs crop tops).




One of my favorite things to do in the thrifted denim department is to make cutoffs out of jeans that are ill fitting. Calvin Klein's are exceptionally good for this, because I typically hate the way their legs fit but love the nostalgic feel of the label on the butt. Not exactly "cheek chillers," but you know that Pauly loves him some cut offs (almost as much as crop tops)!

Bettywear

As previously mentioned, Son-in-Law showcases one of the most amazing fashion montage makeovers in film history. Crawl (P.S.'s character in the film) turns little farmer girl Becca into a bonified California babe (though I maintain that her gross blond dye job almost ruins the whole thing. Almost.) by making her ditch her peasant girl blouses and modest skirts for teeny tiny dresses and rollerblades. After examining my own thrifted wardrobe, I found a few pieces that I am pretty sure would give Pauly a semi.*




Black lace body suit with a french cut. I mean, really.



(back)

Tiny, black and red, possible hooker dress that I dug up at the Dig'n'Save in Madison. Of course he would also dig this. How could you not?




Tiny floral dress with sexy little tie swoop thing. This would be excellent for going on dates to the mall to have dinner at the food court and later do some necking in the movie theater.



My velvet, floral minidress as inspired by Portlandia (again, very 90s).



Little polka dot Limited dress (you can't get much more 90's than the Limited).





Or can you? With this teal denim Guess pencil skirt you sure can!





Stonewashed Bongo wear!? Believe it!




And finally, I present you with a very fancy pair of floral shorts. I actually resold these at work last summer. I wish I could tell you I saw who bought them because I am willing to put my money on someone with much better side sweeping bangs than I ever accomplished.

*Gross. Sorry, that was really gross. But it is also a hilarious joke from Son-in-law so I had to reference it.

Wild Cards!

While Laurie was thrifting items that she felt went against the grain of her inner being, my favorite thing (if there is such a thing!) about thrifting is continuously finding the most magical, weird, unbelievable items that you never even imagined existing (or at least, never thought you would find thrifting). In a strange way, even though these sorts of items rarely have any clear rhyme or reason to them, they are the sorts of items that define who I am as a thrifter.

So...for my second installment on "what Holly can spend $200 thrifting on," I present you with my "wild cards." Each of these pieces caused a major thrifting freak out, the kind where I at once could not believe that the item I had just stumbled upon actually exists, while also grappling with the fact that the piece is now, indeed, mine. ALL MINE!



This first item is actually the one of the few I got at Value Village, which, as it turns out, is much more suitable for classy items. There is nothing classy about leather shorts, however! Bada bing! It is also one of my most "normal"/expected thrifted wild cards. While Jake initially stumbled upon these sexy little numbers, they didn't quite fit him and he was generous enough to pass them along to me.



Equally as classy were these booties, also scored from Value Village. Maybe it was because I was shopping with Jake, who is obsessed with the Nanny and anything leopard print, but I had to buy these ridiculous leopard print booties. Even though they don't fit. I will find a use for them, I promise.

While Value Village exuded class/drunk suburban mom-style, Unique ended up being ripe with wild cards. First a couple of the more tame accessory pieces:



A bright blue snake skin purse. Love the tassel. Things should have more tassels. More tassels=more happy=the world is the better place.



A magenta turban. I have been coveting a turban for quite some time, and hello, this one is magenta. Get off the bus! Only bummer is that there is some sort of gooey substance on the top that I need to remove some how. If I was Laurie, I would have already done extensive internet research on the matter and probably found some sort of goo removal liquid in a basement of a weird China Town factory, but as I am me, the hat is just sitting in a pile of "stuff to be dealt with some other time."



This silver crushed velvet mini dress is all the more hilarious because I was thisclose to purchasing a silver crushed velvet turtle neck at Value Village but decided to pass on it at the last minute. When I came across this little number, it was clear that the universe was trying to tell me something. Plus, as it turns out, velvet dresses are pretty much the only kind of long sleeved dress that I like. And as Laurie has explored here, silver crushed velvet will turn heads even in New York, which really says something about the power of the silver crushed velvet.






Witness this tie dyed JUMPSUIT, which made me nearly crapped myself upon finding, as I have been in the market for the perfect Burning Man outfit, just in case I ever get to go. I mean really, it is a tie dyed jumpsuit. With pockets. To hold my glo sticks and other "things." What more can I say?




Jake was the one who grabbed this top and swung it in my face. I loved it right away, of course. Cropped, awesome 90's floral pattern, polka dots, weird little ruffles on the bottom. He could tell I was intrigued, and then pulled out the big guns—by turning it around.



THE 90'S RUFFLED FLORAL CROP TOP HAS A MOTHER F-ING KEY HOLE BACK!!!!!!!!! GET OUTTA HERE! It's so good, I can't stand it.




This sweater with leather fringe and geo shapes was so good that I actually started squealing and jumping up and down when I found it. I mean, please, just stop. Why can't people design clothes like this any more!?!? The only downside is that next time I go to the all-u-can-eat Mexican buffet, I need to make sure that my leather fringe doesn't swing into the guacamole by accident.