SPRING PURGE/ETSY STORE PREVIEW: Even My Skinny Ass is Not Fitting in to These

The most universally tragic reason for permanently editing sweet finds out of your wardrobe boils down to one dark moment. That instant that may not come for weeks, or even years, after buying something, but inevitably comes. When you finally admit to yourself that you do not now, and will probably never, fit in to something, because it is just too damn small for you.

I find that this happens a lot with thrifting due to the fact that over the years, the sizes have become, shall we say, more generous. I generally run in the size 4 range. If I had a nickle for every size four skirt that I have found that could nearly halve my torso under the pressure of the forced closure of a waistband, I would be a millionaire. I also find that these things tend to be SUPER CUTE, because very few people are that tiny.

Here are a few things that are about to get Etsy-ed because I am finally facing the fact that I am not going to have cosmetic spleen removal to make these things fit me.

First up is the denim pencil skirt to end all denim pencil skirts.


Look at that waistline shape! And all that seaming!!! Once again, the tag says size 3, but on what planet, I do not know. That waistline creates on me what can only be described as a gruesome muffin top effect. WARNING: for teeny tinys only.


Next are these so incredibly perfect and iconic high-waisted GUESS jeans shorts with tacked rolled cuffs and button fly.


I LOVE THESE SHORTS SO MUCH!!!! They could single-handedly rock my entire summer wardrobe, if I could get them on. I picked them up in Austin a few summers ago, but have yet to wear them, ever. Despite the fact that the tag clearly says "27," and I am generally a 26, it is physically impossible for me to button these all the way up.

Have they also made inches bigger over the course of the last decade? Or perhaps the previous owner shrunk them in the dryer. Either way, I would recommend these only to someone who is normally a size 2 or smaller.


The perfect little back pocket GUESS triangle logo....twist the knife a little more.

Then there are the issues that come along with tops. Especially for chesty girls, the world of woven tops can be a very difficult one to navigate. And while my 34B's are hardly anything to complain about in this department, they have still bust a few buttons in their day. For example, this little gingham number that I hate to part with. And purely coincidentally, is the perfect companion piece to the GUESS shorts.

This top is ADORABLE, 100% silk, and made in Italy. It is a real deal find. But for whatever reason, it is all I can do to keep those top few buttons buttoned, and resultantly, I feel very porny Daisy Duke while wearing it. I say "for whatever reason", but by that I mean by that is it is a size 0, which I am not, by any means. So I guess that answers that question.

Three more pieces sent to the ever-growing etsy-bound collection of thrifted goodies. Stay tuned for more!