Thursday, January 13, 2011

Thrift Off #1: Holly's Defense

There are SO MANY THINGS worth bragging about this little number. For ease of argumentation, I am going to arrange them in numerical order, with least relevant to most relevant.

6. The soft washed-out color of the dress. The muted earth tones allow the other awesome elements of this piece to stand out and prevent the dress from being too obnoxious. This also means that it is impossible for the colors of the dress to bleed onto other garments in the wash. Plus, it is genius how the brown shades of the cats blend into the olive green, which is just one aspect of the amazingness of this print.

5. The specialness of my dress' mock turtleneck. This sort of a joke, just like how mock turtlenecks are sort of not turtlenecks. I really don't like mock turtlenecks. But on this dress IT LOOKS RAD, especially because it is offset by the #4 element of my dress (bare arms), which guarantee the whole look is demure with a bit of mystery and sexiness. Plus, it is secured by sweet little black buttons that remind me of black diamonds, which remind me of my 80's boyfriend, who is actually my fiancé.

4. Flared arm holes. This is where my ignorance of fashion terminology is revealed. I am sure that Laurie would have some specific title for such a cut, like "trapeze sideways sheered sleeves." Or something. I don't know what the correct terminology would be, but I do know they look sweet. Plus, doesn't this make you think that I am the underdog, who, despite being under-educated and lacking proper training, pulls ahead with determination and spirit!?* Also, the long arms on Laurie's dress make me think of what the women on the Juniper Creek compound in Big Love would wear if they had the internet and knew it was no longer 1890.

3. Unlike Laurie's number (and many of the pieces we display on Operation Sparkle), you can actually see the sexy shape of this dress while it is simply hanging artfully on a hanger. It is like wearing Spanx without wearing Spanx.**

2. Diamond cutout back. I have really sexy moles on my back and this cutout allows me to show them off. It also prevents one from wearing a bra (unless she wants to look like a hussy) and that is totally something feminists do.***

1. Random, assorted large cat print. Have you ever seen anything like it? A print that combines all of the wildest, largest cats in the world? Not only does it feature realistic looking cats, but it also incorporates their fur patterns into abstractions, which is very artistic. While Laurie is correct in pointing out that tigers are not actually from Africa, I think this discrepancy points to how the creators of this dress were actually aiming to spread a peaceful message of unity to the entire world (after all, how would they know that someday the dress would be on deck for an African-Themed Print Dress Thrift Off?). While Laurie's dress is essentially a mash-up of nondescript scribbles and shapes, my dress confronts the racial, ethnic and geographic differences that divide us every day, while also providing a solution as to how to overcome these differences (with cats. Big ones.). The solution, of course, being fashion.

*VOTE FOR ME! My dress has cats on it.
** Whoa. They have Spanx for men. Whoa.
***This is what a feminist looks like!

1 comment:

  1. HOLLY. I'm sorry to disappoint you with my tardy vote, but I won't disappoint with my decision. I vote for Holly for the following reason: I don't like Laurie's dress. (Sorry, Laurie). The print on Laurie's dress looks like a Cosby sweater or something. Maybe its cute on? I have to go with cats in this case. Cheetah, Leopard, I don't care, it's a winner.